Remembering Charlie #3

This is the first anniversary of the death of my youngest brother: Charles Andrew Bell (2 November 1965 to 10 December 2009). He was diagnosed as a type 1 when he was about 13 years old. He worked hard for years and then apparently just gave up and did what he damned well pleased. (Coke, pizza and candy are not things a poorly controlled diabetic should have in his house.) He had very crappy medical insurance and simply didn't have a family doctor. By the time he got accepted by Social Security disability and onto Medicare, it was too late.

I have been quite aware of my future mortality since I nearly drown in late 1987 (and haven't scuba dived since); thought I was having a heart attack when I was 35 years old and when my Father died of congestive heart failure at age 68.

My youngest brother, Charlie, died of congestive heart failure at age 44 years, 1 month, 8 days. You don't have to be "old" to worry about death and it's aftermath. I am not a lawyer so contact one with your legal questions; I'm just someone whose youngest brother died intestate or "without a will"". Here are some suggestions based on what my brothers (especially Jim) and I experienced: Before you die, before you even get sick, make a will telling what you want:

• done with your body:
• cremation or
• embalming and burial,
• who does the work,
• your plans for payment,
• burial site
• or ash disposal instructions (i.e.: placement at a Veteran's Cemetery, a nice spot in a friend or relatives curio cabinet, burial with relatives, scattering at sea or the back yard),
• You might plan your funeral service (I had a friend - Karla Jean Miller - who planned her funeral in complete detail. My youngest brother made no such plans; my brothers and I ended up going to our ministers to get advice...)
• how to notify your boss(es),
• who gets your stuff (it can take a long time to list everything),
• who you owe money to,
• what liens are out on your property (i.e. My brother used his car title to get a loan from a pay day loan place! We had to buy the title back before we could sell his car.),
• bank accounts,
• 401Ks,
• life insurance policies (and did you "borrow" money from it/them?)
• what storage lockers you are renting and where is their key,
• what bank lock boxes or safe deposit boxes do you rent, what name do you rent under and where is the key? You should make sure your executor is listed on the safe deposit access forms.
• your email data,
• social network accounts,
• blogs,
• newspapers and magazines you subscribe to,
• what you want done with your dogs, cats, birds, fish (feed to cats?),"pet snakes" (now there is an oxymoron!),
• a list of where you keep your medications and "sharps",
• do you automatically get meds from a pharmacy (I do...) with billing afterwards,
• and a list of folks to be notified with their phone numbers, email and mail addresses,
• a list of files/directories on your computer(s) you want to give away. (i.e. I had my father's home movies from when I was in 1^st grade translated to DVD and stored it on my computer.),
• Decide who is going to get your stuff and ask someone to sort through your stuff and dispose of it. There are Estate Sales companies which will buy stuff from your estate. You'll have to research the various companies to see how much they will pay out; you should expect them to take advantage of your grief and to try taking advantage of you. (It could be you might not care and are just happy to be rid of your relatives stuff.)
• My Mother and her sister went through their Mother's stuff when Grandma Maxson died in 1983. She had stuff in attic storage dating back to the late 1800s! My Grandparents were sharp dressers in 1915 but that clothing was a bit out of style in 1983 (as are my tailored suits from 1986 that I bought when in the Navy stationed in the Orient).
• My grandparents didn't trust banks and had about $5,000 stashed in books on the second floor of their house; under the basement stairs, my Grandmother had a big can of some kind of vegetable with rust spots on it and a bulging lid. She must have bought in the 1950s. (Can you say botulism? I bet the City of Bay City Michigan was thrilled to come dispose of that!) So, be prepared for surprises!)
• a list of files/directories you want purged before anyone gets your "old" computer(s) or it is sent to the breakers. You can make a simple batch file that would delete any files you want killed off.
• You may have written the "Great American Novel" (and haven't we all?). I strongly suggest you edit your novel(s), have them printed and bound and put them on your bookshelf. I knew Charlie had been working on a novel but it only just occurred to me that I could have looked for this novel on his computer. Well, too late for that now! So, do your relatives a favor and don't make them have to go hunting for that novel; they probably won't anyway...

All of this could be done on a couple of sheets of paper. There are programs which allow you to create a will; you should have it done by a lawyer.

You could sort bills and put them in a cheap, plastic, filing cabinet.

Contact the various companies your will's executor will have to deal with. Let them know who will be contacting them when you die.

If you die without a will, a judge may appoint a successor. If a successor is appointed, better hope it is a friend or relative who will work with your relatives or friends to determine who gets what. A court appointed successor might not be a friend to your kith and kin.

I explained this to a friend, the head of the local hospice. She said "get a living will and keep it up to date!"

You might consider writing your obituary; think of it as a permanent, non editable, "wikipedia" entry on newspaper.

It just occurred to me that you could set aside money to buy booze and munchies for your wake. ("Won't be any 'lite' beer or Mad Dog or 'Ultra' at my wake!") Just a thought, albeit a bit morbid...

If you find an overdue VCR or DVD, expect to pay the overdue fine (unless you drop it in the slot and trundle off); I don't think they'll buy the "but it's overdue cause the renter died...

Finally, you might as well write down the library you borrow from and keep library books, etc. in a convenient place for their return. It never occurred to me to look for any library books or CDs my youngest brother might have checked out; his room mate would have dealt with this...

This was was my second try at creating and sending this documents years ago. My computer ate the first attempt (or I fumble fingered it...)

 

Remembering Charlie #2

On 10 December 2009, about 1:10 am, my youngest brother Charles Andrew Bell died of heart failure. He was 44 years, one month old and had been a juvenile onset type 1 since he was about 14. (This should have spurred me to learn everything I could about Diabetes then and not after my MD called me on the phone and said "Mr. Bell, you're a diabetic" on 7 May 2004.)

My brother Jim, who lived fairly close to Charlie, called me at 3:12 am to pass the news. Ironically, this was just before my alarm was to go off (at 3:15 am) and I thought the phone was my alarm clock...

Charlie died without a will and had refused to give Jim a Power of Attorney several days earlier. This meant that Charlie's corpse was in the Hospital Morgue.

Jim had a lawyer friend create paperwork declaring Jim to be Charlie's "Successor" (not "Executor"). Then, he had our other brother (JJ) and I sign the paperwork agreeing to this, get the paperwork notorised  and fax it back.

Jim had Charlie's corpse moved to the Funeral Home that had "served" our parent's and several family friends (his choice sounded fine to me). We discussed cremation versus embalming and subsequent burial in emails and we all agreed to cremation. 

This required Jim to send us forms to be filled out, notarized and faxed back. (It was an easy choice: have you compared the costs of both?)

Jim then negotiated the Memorial Service date with the Minister, JJ and I. This was more than just a "the brothers will decide"; our wives and Jim's kids all had their opinions.

We submitted ideas for songs to be played at the Memorial Service and appropriate Bible Verses (reading my verses was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Charlie was 14 years younger than me and I wasn't supposed to be burying him; he was supposed to be burying me decades from now!)

Then, it got to be much more of a pain in the ass for Jim. He had to go through all of Charlie's bills to find out who he owed money to. One creditor refused to tell Jim the total size of the debt without Charlie's written permission; I guess that didn't understand what "he's dead" meant? When Jim stated the amount given on this creditor's bill (around $400), they blurted out "oh, he actually owes us $8,000!"

Charlie had used his car title on for a loan and we had to pay off that loan to get title back in order for Jim to sell Charlie's car. He had borrowed from his life insurance so that was rather enemic.

Charlie shared an apartment with a friend. We agree the roommate could have any of Charlie's worldly goods that he wanted (save for the car). Jim put what was left in his garage and Jim, JJ, my wife and I went through these items deciding who would take what and what would go to Good Will or the garbage. I still have a big box of his stuff in my Father-in-Law's garage and will have to arrange to retrive it later...

Years ago, at a family get together, I was told that I'd become a "Cautionary Tale". My nephew and niece was told "Uncle Mike" stories and admonished not to "be like Uncle Mike". There were some stories I didn't remember and some I didn't want to remember. There were some lessons to be learned from my brother.

1. Have a will listing who is your executor! Don't make the relative tasked with looking after your affairs have to spent time with the lawyer.
2. Write down what you want done with your body and who you want to cremate or embalm you.
3. In your will, list who gets which of your items. Your relatives might not think you're valuables are so valuable.
4. Have a list of all your debts (a simple ledger sheet would work).
5. List your email accounts and your passwords, any blogs you are on, your social network accounts, etc.

Having written this list, I realize that I haven't done 1, 3 and 4 because I think my wife will outlive me. I haven't done 5 because it is a hassle and because I'm not sure I care if these accounts become orphans.

 

Remembering Charlie 1

My youngest brother, Charles Andrew Bell, was a juvenile onset diabetic (around age 14) type one. He fought the disease for years but complications took him and he died young. He 
lost a good job with good benefits and after that, either did not have medical insurance or grossly inadequate medical insurance. Due to inadequate health insurance, he would go to the emergency room when he got ill. Emergency room care is "See the problem, solve the problem" and is no substitute for a dedicated family doctor.

Can you tell me how a "Free Market Solution" to medical insurance could have prevented his death given that it was a "Free Market Medical System" that killed my brother at 44 years, 1 month and 8 days?

This should be an easy question for a Seminary Student to answer.

On a different subject, if you continue to be so desperate to kill off "Obamacare", why don't you produce a replacement law that does a better job and meets all the goals of The Affordable Care Act (AKA "Obamacare").

 

Republicans killing "Obamacare" and likely results

The Senate held a "vote-a-thon" and voted in amendments intended to destroy the Affordable Care Act (AKA Obamacare). The Senate Republicans all voted for these amendments and the Democrats all voted against them. 

Who would have thought the lazy ass Republicans would get off their asses long enough to screw the American People. 

The Republicans are on the verge of taking Health Care from millions of American citizens. 

If this happens, it would lead to people who have lost their health insurance dying avoidable deaths; that is, deaths that would have been avoidable if the coming dead had had health insurance. When these deaths happen, everyone who voted to kill the ACA is culpable for the deaths. They should be:

• charged with voluntary manslaughter
• forced to face "Wrongful Death Law Suits"!

They would probably not be charged with voluntary manslaughter as Prosecutors are generally Republicans. 

They would not face law suits as they were simply acting "in the line of duty". 

The Rep are on the verge of getting away with murder!

 

reneging?

Just breaking news: Trump tweeted his displeasure at the House Reps killing off the Independent Ethics Committee. It sounds like the House Reps have tucked tail and removed the language killing off this committee.  Maybe Trump (or more likely his advisors) realize how badly this deletion would blowback.

Well, I'm hoping it is too late to avoid the blowback.