"Disownment" revisted

######
#     #     #     ####    ####   #    #  #    #  ######  #####
#     #     #    #       #    #  #    #  ##   #  #       #    #
#     #     #     ####   #    #  #    #  # #  #  #####   #    #
#     #     #         #  #    #  # ## #  #  # #  #       #    #
#     #     #    #    #  #    #  ##  ##  #   ##  #       #    #
######      #     ####    ####   #    #  #    #  ######  #####

I have been house cleaning lately and decided to start copying files from my old 3.5" floppy disks to a very large hard drive. I found this file, written on 10 March 2006, and thought "Jeff really didn't disown me". Then, I got to thinking about our lack of contact and realized "Yes, Jeff really did disown me!" 

Perhaps it was the letter he wrote in the 2004 to 2005 time frame in which he said "we would have never met in real life so let's pretend we didn't meet". [words to that effect]. I guess this counts as disownment!

In 2015, Denise sent us a well written note saying they were only inviting folks "who loved their daughter" to said daughter's wedding. (I can not recall the name of this daughter and in fact, don't recall their names and have no idea what they look like!)  This was a well written "fuck you, don't come out!". Having just gotten retired, I didn't want to waste the money on an uninvited visit to them. We did not know the date or place of said wedding and they would not tell us. 

"C'est la guerre!". which is French for "it's the war!"

The old text follows:


I suppose it really bothers me that my brother Jeff has disowned me. It didn't dawn on me until last night that I've been grieving for him, for the lost relationship. I really didn't get to know him when we were boys and now it looks like I'll never get to know him as an adult.

 Our Mother was sick over Christ Mass [2005]. I couldn't go out to visit but two of our brothers live in the area and could and did visit her. She said that it was OK I didn't come out. Jeff come out and stayed a week and I suspect he's pissed at me over this.

 Let's see if I can figure out when it started going to crap? In the early 1990s, I was still getting over being passed over for promotion to LCDR (USN) and my wife and I were visiting Jeff and family. I started telling a couple of happy Navy stories and Jeff rather rudely told me "no one wants to hear those stories" [or words to that effect]. That shut me right up and I said nothing more as the conversation died and we left earlier than I'd thought we would.

It was an hour and a half drive back home but Jeff hadn't offered us his spare bedroom and we would not have accepted had he.

 Another time (after this first insult) we had Christmas gifts to deliver. Jeff's wife said "you've got to deliver them in a hurry and leave. My parents are coming by 3:30 pm and I can't entertain both of you and them." [or words to that effect]

 So, we showed up, dropped off the gifts, did the prefunctuary "how-are-you-we-are-fine" and were making our escape when the worst happened!

 Her parents arrived!

 Not only that but her parents were happy to see us and her father wanted to talk for a while. sigh. He was paying more attention to us than his daughter. We had a bit of difficulty breaking contact but we managed. The irony is that breaking contact is a term for one military force breaking contact with an enemy force. We had a good time with her father and didn't want to break contact with him (or his wife). We simply wanted to break contact with their daughter (Jeff's wife).

 I've got to wonder. Am I the only one in the family who remebers this? Does my brother Jeff remember slights the way I do? Probably! We both had the same father!

 Jeff's wife had serious martial problems with her ex. She was still married to this shithead when she started dating Jeff; their marrage date was dependent on when her divorce went through. They say they're good Christians and good Republicians. I've never seen reason to remind them of the part of Leviticus which states:

21:14 A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife. _{Blue seems like a good choice of colour when discussing a "blue law"}

Now, ignoring what "his own people" means in today's world, I don't think God would begrudge my brother and his wife finding happiness in marriage and I'm sure their kids are perfectly fine daughters (our Mother thinks so and the girl I met several years ago was; tis a pity I'll never be more than a distant Uncle and cautionary tale to them.

I say "cautionary tale" as I've heard they tell "Uncle Mike" stories about things I did or may have done when I was growing up...) Oh, well, enough beefing. I've "honey do" to be done and not much time for that and a half hour walk before lunch "with the wife". (I don't normally use the phrase "with the wife" and I'm surprised it kind of slipped out...)

######
#     #     #     ####    ####   #    #  #    #  ######  #####
#     #     #    #       #    #  #    #  ##   #  #       #    #
#     #     #     ####   #    #  #    #  # #  #  #####   #    #
#     #     #         #  #    #  # ## #  #  # #  #       #    #
#     #     #    #    #  #    #  ##  ##  #   ##  #       #    #
######      #     ####    ####   #    #  #    #  ######  #####

disownment, cautionary tales, Uncle Mike cautioinary tales, grief, anger

I can't think of anything else Beetle's "loving Mother" could have done to further ruin his morale. Basically, she and the other folks "back home" have deleted Beetle's past and deleted him from his family and friends. His "loving Mother" clearly does not realize the damage she caused.

She probably would care if anyone told her.

This is personal as it somewhat happened to me.

When I enlisted in the Navy in 1970, the family had just moved to  Klamath Falls, Oregon. My stuff was in the basement and in the room I  briefly shared with one of my brothers (Jim). Then, I went to Boot Camp in Orlando, Florida. When I came home on boot leave, it was even harder than before to relate to  my family. After this leave, I went to "A" school in Pensacola Florida. 

My Paternal Grandmother died when I was in "A" school. My Mother mentioned this almost in passing when I called my parents. I had not gotten a note or phone call. Now, I could not have gone to the funeral as I  was in "A" school and any time away would have been a  disaster.

I went to the base protestant minister and wanted to discuss my feelings and get some sympathy. This "man of God" was too busy with his paperwork to  be bothered by a lowly Seaman Douche Deuce and sent me to his clerk for some examples of sympathy cards to send to my parents.

I never had any use for military chaplains after that and  still don't. This one didn't help me, so  why should I assume the current  crop helps anyone else...

When I went "home" on post-"A" school leave, I was not welcomed. It was the most miserable time I'd had up to then.  After I went to transit barracks in Norfolk, Virginia, awaiting my ship's return to port, my brother Jim wrote me a terse note bitching about my bad manners and how awful I had been on leave. I called my parents and my Mother barely spoke to me and my Father did not speak to me at all. Just as well, I would have lost my temper if he had bitched at me...

I found more family in the casual friendships I formed in transit barracks and in mess cooking division on the ship.

My parents seldom wrote me. In fact, I got one letter "Returned To Sender". I wrote  my Maternal Grandmother about this and she was shocked that my parents had not told me the family had moved from Klamath Falls Oregon to Tigard Oregon.

Oh, well, I certainly did not have  the money or interest in making a surprise visit.

It basically never got much better than this. Oh, my Father cut a deal for my brother Jim and I to get dealer demo Pintos for a very low price. My parents had insisted on my adding their names to my savings account. They "borrowed" money from my savings to make a house payment or two and for food for the  family. I could live with that. It might have been nice had they paid back even some of the money they had "borrowed"...